How can I not?
by micahskitty
Summary: Songfic A dedication to the love between Yuki and Tohru. Warning: It's sad. [SongHow can I not love you? By: Joy Enriquez]


From behind her he watched as she stood at the sink of their kitchen, cleaning up the dishes left from the dinner finished moments before. She hummed to herself, a jaunty tune one would find themselves dancing along to, words caught in their head days later. Those purple hues scanned over her form, happiness and pain filling them to the brink and threatening to expose him for the fragile teenager he was. Yuki Sohma stood there, so close to the girl of his affections-- the one that had managed to save him many times with a simple smile. Though within distance, he didn't dare touch... He couldn't. They could never be togther.

**Can not touch  
Can not hold  
Can not be together **

**Can not love  
Can not kiss  
Can not have each other **

He stood in his room for the second time that day, pacing the floor as he so often did. Only feet away lie Tohru Honda, his oasis in the desert... Dare he confess before he made such a mistake? No, there was not enough time... To his dresser he walked, gathering what little belonings that still were held within the confines of the wooden wardrobe. This was easiest, this was for the best. With high school coming to an end, and confinement so close to being his future he knew it best to leave willingly, spare Tohru the pain of seeing him drug away from the house he could now call 'Home' and mean it. By staying with Akito, he was saving them both. He was letting go, moving on, finally being strong.

**Must be strong  
And we must let go  
Can not say  
What our hearts must know**

She stood by her window, gazing out towards the woods she once slept in. Fond memories swept over her ranging from her first meeting with the Sohma's, her moving into the household, the summer vacation they took, the trust bestowed to her from the many different members of the cursed zodiac. Sure, there were memories she'd care not to dwell upon-- many of those involving the head of the Sohma clan Akito.

**How can I not love you  
What do I tell my heart  
When do I not want you  
Here in my arms **

**How does one waltz away  
From all the memories  
How do I not miss you  
When you are gone**

The brunette could feel her heart breaking. As she summoned the males down for dinner she noticed the missing Yuki Sohma and knew that he likely moved out. He often spoke of leaving the Sohma's behind to avoid the endless banquet that Akito wished to put them through. A tear slipped down her cheek as she sat balanced on her legs before the table. Shigure and Kyo looked away, finding it best to leave the distressed girl alone for the time being to recover from the pain in her heart, time to sort out the thoughts racing through her head as she attempted to locate the cause of Yuki leaving, aside from avoidance. Was her presence and love not enough to heal the wounds inflicted on his heart? Rising from the table, excusing herself with a sobbed whisper, the girl went to her room and fell atop the bed provided by Shigure. Though grateful for what she currently had, she couldn't help but feel deep sorrow for what she no longer had. She was missing a huge part of her life, a friend and more that she had grown to depend on through the times that threatened to turn the optimistinc girl to a stage of depression. Tohru Honda rolled over to her side, curling up in a little ball to prevent anything from penetrating the shield she was forcing herself into to avoid any future heartaches. Closing her heavy-lidded eyes, she fell into a restless sleep where even the dreams of Yuki returning could not comfort her for they never came. What they had was over, but that didn't stop her from wishing it wasn't.

**Can not dream  
Can not share  
Sweet and tender moments **

**Can not feel  
How we feel  
Must pretend it's over**

His secret base, a place that held just as many memories as the house he abadoned did. Here, above the vegetables and fruits he so carefully raised, was the place he had given Tohru her first real kiss, and his own first kiss. Here, beside the place she often helped protected, he confessed the feelings that he had kept locked deep inside for fear of burdening her with the truth. Removing his backpack from his shoulders, he allowed it to drop to the ground as he bent down to observe the garden. During his silent studying, she stumbled into view wearing sushi pajama's a half-smile. Moving closer, he watched her with curiousity not at all suprised to see her there. Without thought, he was moving towards her and wrapping her in his arms for the last time. That moment seemed to last forever in their mind, but was just seconds before he turned into the little rat.

**Must be brave  
And we must go on  
Must not say  
What we've known all along **

**How can I not love you  
What do I tell my heart  
When do I not want you  
Here in my arms **

Back to human, clothed once more with backpack behind him and adjusted on his shoulderes he gave Tohru a little kiss on the forehead even as tears streamed down the faces of them both. Pivoting on heel, he continued on his way through the forest determined not to break down until he was out of her sight, as not to cause her more worry than what he's already caused her. Leaning against an oak for support, the teenage girl watched him walk away knowing that his determenation would not allow him to return. Besides, wasn't this what he needed? This was a way to break the curse that hung above his head, was it not? He would never have to suffer the pain caused by Akito if he wasn't here, right? But could she ever get over him? Would the feeling of her first love ever go away? Only one way to find out... Turning away she walked slowly back to the house as Yuki walked in the other direction.

**How does one waltz away  
From all the memories  
How do I not miss you  
When you are gone **

**Must be brave  
And we must go on  
Must not say  
What we've known all along **


End file.
